EPIC RUINS UPDATE! (plus some Ashera news, too.)

Okay, so it's been awhile. But I've been busy doing shit--a documentary on fuzz pedals came in the mail and it wasn't going to watch itself.

Anyway, the EPIC RUINS album is recorded, mixed and awaiting mastering and pressing. It's called Void Mariner and the Mystic Boogie of the Sacred Line, recorded by Mike Garcia at Fort Worth Sound and Zaq Bell at Fusion Project Studios and mixed by Danny Kalb at Cowl Studios. I mention them because if you're recording something, you should go look them up. They're all total wizards. But wait, there's more!

Void Mariner and the Mystic Boogie of the Sacred Line will likely make its debut at the end of May or the beginning of June. We're probably going to start spreading it around before then, so if you happen upon the word WIZARDVIZION written anywhere, look for clues. You can also check out more at wizardvizion.com, epicruins.com, multivoid.com, the wizarded blog, and our Facebook page. They might not be up quite yet, but keep checking, because that's where we're putting up all the secret shit and what not. We may or may not be playing at SxSW,* but there will likely be something worth your while to check out during that time. All I can say is that if you have a secret spot where you go to get wizarded when you're out at bars in Fort Wizard, Austin and Los Angeles, keep your eyes open for anything suspicious. And cops. Keep your eyes out for those, too.

Now of course, the preceding paragraphs assumes you've been reading this blog forever and ever and know what I'm talking about, but if not, here's the thing:

EPIC RUINS originated as a project between myself and Jordan Richardson way back in like 2007, when he was recording Darth Vato's last album with us. Over the course of last year, we kicked riffs and song ideas back and forth across time and space. In August, we both had some time available to get together,** so we and a bunch of other dudes got together and had these super-haggard late night wizard jams in the Me-Thinks World headquarters in Haltom City. Videos exist, as do four-track tapes. Someday you might see/hear them. But anyway, we did that for four days, and then we holed up with the aforementioned Michael Garcia*** for another four and fleshed out/recorded what we'd made up. It was all really fast and special and you're probably rolling your eyes, but what we made up was some really spacey shit that sounded like it came right out of the '70s. We figured out after those sessions what our record and band was really about, and at the point, the core became myself on bass, Jordan Richardson on drums, guitars and keys, Sam Anderson on vocals and guitar and Jeff Dazey on baritone sax.

About two months later, we recorded another song with Zaq, which you can read about in previous entries. That song is called "Child and Cobra,"and it was recorded when all of us were in various stages of fighting or acquiring the flu. It was also recorded during the Balloon Boy Hoax, which made the whole week even weirder. We made nervous jokes and it was all very surreal, and I credit Zaq with calling bullshit on Falcon flying the fucking thing. Anyway, time went by, Danny mixed what we had finished and then during the last week of the year we finished the last three songs except for some vocals. I flew out to L.A. to finish mixing with Danny and Jordan, and now we're all anxiously awaiting the moment we can unleash it.

If you want to know what it sounds like, I'm hesitant to drop influences and that sort of thing. I don't want to color your judgment, so you'll probably just have to listen to it. Like I said before, we're going to leak it (I know, really pretentious, right?) before it's pressed, but I hear tell there will be a song streamed on Veronica Belmont's Sword and Laser blog.

Failing a listen, though, you'll probably want to know that it's a concept album about an immortal dude searching for truth. And at some point, he runs into Ashera, and they fight a being called the Kreg, at least during one song. It's only a part of the broader story. If I ever find an artist to draw what I've written, that particular song will fit into the end of the first major story arc of a multi-volume story. Anyway, since that doesn't really explain what will come out of your speakers, I'd say it's a rock album that came from the mid-70s of a parallel universe, one in which Jimi Hendrix lives into the early '90s (when he dies of prostate cancer), Reagan precipitated a nuclear war scare by sending troops to Afghanistan in 1986 and Willow was critically and commercially well-received.

And also, it's a universe where there is no Conan the Destroyer. In other words, it's totally awesome. Except for the whole nuclear scare thing.

Please keep coming back here, and check out the Facebook link at the top for more updates. Now that the record is all done, I'm going to be back on here a lot more often, with more tales to astonish and amuse. Or rather, more tales about this one time where we were all super baked and listening to Electric Wizard and so and so did that really weird thing.****

Steve

*(and isn't that a familiar refrain from anyone you've ever known who's been in a band?)

**Like I'm so busy or something.

***That's Asian Mike, to us.

****And by so-and-so, I probably mean me.

EPIC RUINS UPDATE

Since there are only five songs thus far, and we can only do them when our drummer is on a break from his day job (which is playing drums), we're mixing the songs as we finish them. Today it's "The Illnorm."

I am super amped.

As for last week, we got one song done. I would've liked to have gotten two, but given that everyone was sick (half of us with swine flu), I'm glad we finished what we finished. And really, the song sort of sounds like we were sick. Not as in lackluster performances or whatever, but in the tones and riffs. It's called "Child and Cobra," so when you hear it, that's the one that sounds like the flu.

Swine flu is bad

but at least you don't turn into a pig like in Willow. I don't know why critics hate on this movie. This scene terrified me when I was a kid.

Man, pigs make the worst noises.

Anyway, I found out last night that I do, in fact, have el gripe puerco, but I think I passed the worst of it on Saturday, and the Azithromycin and Tamiflu are finishing it off. I'm fairly sure I picked it up in the sewermud at ACL, but I feel about 90% capacity, and we're headed to the studio as we speak. If you can get the mist or the shot for this shit, I recommend it.

Captain Trips is recruiting

And I'm trying to dodge his draft. Keep your fingers crossed. I've made it this far without getting sick. This fever is not cooperating.

In other news, I hate missing out on shit. Stoogeaphilia was really heating up and the crowd was good. The second band was a punk band fronted by a guy who looked like James Carville. And One Finger Fist was tight and hilarious. Shoulda been there. Wish I could've stayed.

Incidentally, per the first paragraph, Lodi is mentioned in the unabridged version of The Stand.

STUDIO!

The next EPIC RUINS sessions start tomorrow! Aaaaaaaaand... Wizard Fight bass is out of hock!

Zombieland gets an A. From me.

Go see it. Super funny. It's basically a road trip movie with zombies instead of bikers or Aunt Edna or whatever else gets in the protagonists' way in a road trip movie. I laughed the whole time, and it has the best cameo in a movie I've ever seen.

I also watched Last House on the Left (the original) last night. Not sure the score works as well as the composer thinks it did.

This is interesting

I've always been a fan of James Coburn, and when he died in '02, the aw man that sucks I mutttered carried a tone of genuine sadness. Anyway, he apparently died at home while listening to music, and according to this totally legitimate-looking website, the last song he heard was "Fine and Mellow." Not a bad way to go, I suppose, except for that whole heart attack thing. They sound terrifying.

Another hallmark of the 21st century

In light of things like global warming and overpopulation and all the other dooms hovering about us, I've noticed certain cultural developments that are gradually spreading far and wide until they become as commonplace as invoking God's good favor after someone sneezes.

Consider, for example, the fist bump.

Now for a long time, I've always thought this was the realm of douchebags or good-intentioned parents awkwardly trying to connect with their kids. If you're disposed to crazy, right-wing determinism, the fist bump is how President Obama greets his Muslim co-conspirators. But even before the terrorist fist jab became a Fox News staple, there was Howie Mandell.

I don't remember the name of the show he hosted*, but it was the one with the briefcases. I only watched it a couple times, but in addition to the show's maddening simplicity, nail-biting drama and frustratingly bad judgment, you had Howie's mysophobia, manifested in his refusal to touch anyone with more than the skin of his knuckles. As I recall, this was a gentle quirk along the lines of Ed Sullivan's gallumphing homeliness (according to the videos we've all watched), rather than the bizarre shadenfreude of Marc Summer's OCD. In other words, we all sort of laughed to ourselves and kept on wondering if brunette on the top left corner would go out with us in real life.

But then came bird flu, and after that swine flu, and all of the sudden, the Howie handshake doesn't seem so funny. And nowadays, after I've poured a double for a college kid and made a joke and he laughs along with me at his own expense, he extends the fist and I respond in kind. And when this happens, I wonder if he's just being a college kid or if he is as wary as I am of the microbe du jour.

Man, this world is pretty scary. When I imagined the future as a child, I had no idea it was going to end up like this. In hindsight, I'm kinda glad we don't have flying cars.

Here's a Metallica video that seems sort of appropriate.

*Now I do. Deal or no Deal.

Oh yeah. Definitely fraudulent.

I like the way that word looks. Fraudulent. Not sure why. But anyway, the proofreading gig is officially a total scam.

"Down here at the pawnshop..."

(there's a bass named Wizard Fight)

Hopes and Dreams

I haven't had a lot of success as a freelance writer; every job I apply for is apparently just to the left or right of my skill set and experience, and while I've been with a placement agency for nearly a year, they have not yet been able to match me with a gig. If it weren't free, I would be a terribly bitter man. And as bills come due, my jazz bass is poised stoically in its stand, ready to do its time as a hostage in the hostile Republic of Pawnistan.

Obviously, it's been a little rough, so you can probably imagine my elation when I applied for and landed a gig proofreading a 95-page book. To the tune of ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. I know. It sounded like baloney to me, too. I mean, that's probably too much money to fix a lot of things (except the A/C in a van), let alone spelling and punctuation. Did I mention I found it on Craigslist? Well, I did. No fooling. And while every bit of this got fishier and fishier (the guy initially provided some credentials), I still took the job, because I need the money. And what to do with a thousand bucks!* A couple months paid on my car note, new brakes, maybe a plane ticket for Christmas--who knows?

Well, now I know. Long story short, my better judgment finally got its say when the address to which I was supposed to send a moneygram (less my fee, of course) turned out to be a Holiday Inn in Atlanta. I called my bank. According to the lilting accent on the other end of the help line, I just need to wait to see if the check clears, and then I'll know if it's fraudulent or not. I know, right? Totally comforting.

A scam is a scam and a scam is indiscriminate about who its mark is, but man, that's a cruel trick to play on freelancers. It's not exactly stealing from a homeless guy (well, not yet, anyway), but I hope there's a special place in hell for people who rip other people off.

Speaking of that, my car got broken into last night. But they couldn't just smash a window with a rock. Oh no. They had to throw it. Except from the looks of it, they had to throw it twice, because the first shot looks like it banged off the door frame, because now there's a nice big dent there. The pitcher got it together, though, since I had to drive home sitting on a pile of newspapers over broken glass. Among the items taken:

• My iTrip radio transmitter, paired with a cracking iPod cable
• A Fender pedal tuner which I have been trying to return to its owner for about a month
• My Blublockers
• The radio gate thingie for my apartment complex that cost $50 if you lose it
• The cassette tape from last Sunday's Vorvon jam.

You read that right. They stole a fucking cassette tape. Like the kind you used to record "November Rain" off the radio when you were a kid. Where do you even sell something like that?

And then later today, I had to suck it up and kill a wasp in my apartment. If you know me well enough, you will no doubt understand how a wasp fight would be the icing on a pretty crummy cake.

Not the best Wednesday I've ever had, that's for sure.

*You know The Pearl? Yeah, well I guess I need to read it again.